Making Friends
One of your biggest support systems when you hit middle school often becomes your friends. Having close friends to rely on is very important, especially when it comes to day-to-day support. However, middle school can sometimes present difficulty, as friend groups sometimes shift or change unexpectedly, which can sometimes leave you feeling left out, upset, or confused.
First, it's important to clear up a common misconception people often have. Many times, it can be easy to feel like everyone else has a ton of friends, but you only have one or two. In reality, it's very normal and healthy to have a small, close group of friends you trust rather than relying on having a large group. Of course it's great and important to be able to get along with and accept all types of people, but many often only have a relatively small group they would call close friends. And that is perfectly okay.
Next, friendship is quality over quantity. Having a few close friends you can laugh with and feel supported by often makes you feel better than having a very large group of friends that you only feel slightly connected with. People tend to be much happier being around others who make them feel good about themselves and who they can be comfortable being themselves around without fear of being judged.
If you feel in a rut or stuck without close friends or are looking to make some new ones, there are a couple things you can try:
First, it's important to clear up a common misconception people often have. Many times, it can be easy to feel like everyone else has a ton of friends, but you only have one or two. In reality, it's very normal and healthy to have a small, close group of friends you trust rather than relying on having a large group. Of course it's great and important to be able to get along with and accept all types of people, but many often only have a relatively small group they would call close friends. And that is perfectly okay.
Next, friendship is quality over quantity. Having a few close friends you can laugh with and feel supported by often makes you feel better than having a very large group of friends that you only feel slightly connected with. People tend to be much happier being around others who make them feel good about themselves and who they can be comfortable being themselves around without fear of being judged.
If you feel in a rut or stuck without close friends or are looking to make some new ones, there are a couple things you can try:
Get Involved
Find something to get involved in, whether that's a sport, club, activity, or something else that will get you around people. The first step to meeting people and making friends is having an opportunity to get to know people and to let them get to know you. Getting involved in something gives you a routine where you will be around people very often and will have many chances to get to know them. Don't be afraid to try something new.
Be Open-Minded
When you are looking to make friends, focus on those people who make you feel good to be around them. Sometimes it can be very easy to get stuck only wanting to be friends with a select few people. There are often many opportunities to get to know someone who could turn out to be a very good friend, and you need to pay attention to those opportunities. When someone says hi to you or tries to start a conversation with you, make sure you recognize that as a great opportunity to start to get to know someone, even if it's not someone you were thinking of being friends with at first. You never really know what someone is like until you take time to speak with them and get to know them. Start conversations with people and respond when they make an effort to start one with you.
Make An Effort
Do you ever try to organize events or hang out with others? Sometimes it can be upsetting to feel like you never get invited to parties or other hang outs. However, when was the last time you tried to invite someone to do something? Friendship has to go both ways. If you are always waiting for someone to invite you somewhere, there's a good chance they may be doing the same in waiting for you to invite them along to a hang out. They may even be asking themselves why you never ask them to hang out. Make an effort and reach out to people. The worst that can happen is they say no.
Be a Good Friend
People like to be around others who make them feel good about themselves. Be someone who does that. Be positive and help others feel good about themselves. Compliment others, say hi to them, ask them how they are doing. When you show an interest in getting to know other people, they will feel good and may show that same interest back in getting to know you. It feels good to be noticed, so make sure you are being the type of friend you want to have.
Avoid the Negativity
Sometimes you may feel the easiest way to feel included is to get sucked into rumors or gossip that others are talking about or bond over making someone else a negative target of mean comments or behavior. Do not join in with mean behavior just to fit in with a group. Avoid the negativity and focus on being a positive person who speaks well of others. You don't want your friendships formed at the expense of someone else's feelings. If you feel your friendships are negative or constantly making you or someone else upset, consider speaking up or doing something about it. You don't want to build a reputation for putting others down.
Give it Time
Unfortunately, it's very difficult to become best friends with someone overnight. Give it time. Start small and take time to get to know someone. It may take effort, but it will often pay off in the long run if you remain positive, open-minded, and continue to make an effort to be a good friend. People will notice.